


Will You Catch Me Should I Fall

by Wherefore_art_thou_Homeo



Series: Haikyuu Drabble Requests [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, wooo hey guys how's it going, wow i really can't think of anything else to tag this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:00:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6515767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wherefore_art_thou_Homeo/pseuds/Wherefore_art_thou_Homeo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukishima is afraid of falling in love. When he realizes that his feelings for Yamaguchi might be very, very different from what he thought, he does the only logical thing he can think of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will You Catch Me Should I Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by sugarandfeathers.tumblr.com

He guessed he was probably scared of love.

It seemed like such a gamble – to put so much faith in another person like that. He'd seen it work in movies, but nothing that worked in movies worked in real life.

To love someone and to have them love you back – at the same time, and the same amount – seemed impossible. Whenever he heard of it happening, he was always taken aback.

It wasn't that he didn't think love was real – just that the odds of two peoples' emotions intersecting like that seemed ridiculously, unachievably low.

He hadn't been around to hear his parents' wedding vows, but he imagined they must have included some of the words he'd heard so often – _in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, till death do us part._

Till death do us part. _For as long as we both shall live._

People didn't love anything that long. Not even themselves.

How could anyone love someone – or be loved by someone – for their _entire lives?_

How could that even be possible?

It hadn't been for his parents. Despite all the vows they'd doubtless made, they'd split up when Tsukishima was five years old. There had been a lot of yelling and fighting in the last days of their marriage. Tsukishima would shut himself in his room and cover his ears and not let anybody in.

He'd hear his mom crying sometimes, and it was the most terrifying thing his young ears had ever heard, and he knew his father was the reason for it. And his parents _tried_. They _tried_ to stay together, for his and for Akiteru's sake. They _tried_ to love each other. And it didn't work.

They put so much of themselves into each other, trying to keep their family together, and in the end, it had fallen through.

That was probably where it all started.

He'd grown up mostly apart from the other kids, which suited him just fine. He was a loner, for the most part. He and Akiteru were close growing up, and they played volleyball together all the time – hitting the ball back and forth in the backyard until their mother called them in for dinner.

And that was okay for a long time. He was a little lonely at school, but as long as he had his brother and his mother to come home to, he could handle it. He didn't need friends. They seemed like too much of a risk – and in any case, he had trouble getting along with the other kids.

And then, late in elementary school, he met Yamaguchi. And Yamaguchi seemed really interested in being his friend; he wouldn't leave Tsukishima alone at school.

Initially, he'd found this annoying. He didn't understand what on earth interested Yamaguchi so much, but there he was every day, waving him over with a big smile on his face, calling out, “Tsukki!”

He figured it was safe enough to be friends with Yamaguchi. Eventually, he grew used to the idea of having him around. He was fine being alone, but he found it was nice to have someone to talk to if he wanted. Especially once he stopped getting along so well with Akiteru. He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't had Yamaguchi, at that point.

But he never said that, of course. He couldn't. He couldn't afford to get emotional with anybody or anything. It was vulnerability. He was not going to open himself up to anyone. It wasn't worth it.

He didn't expect Yamaguchi to go to the same high school as him – so much so that he didn't even ask until entrance exams were almost upon them.

“Karasuno!” Yamaguchi answered him. “Just like you. If I can get in, anyway…”

“You shouldn't worry about that,” Tsukishima replied. “You're smart and you've worked hard. If I get in, you'll get in.”

The way Yamaguchi's face lit up when he said that moved something in Tsukishima's chest.

“Thanks, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said emphatically. “I hope you're right.”

Tsukishima _was_ right. Yamaguchi went with him to Karasuno the following spring. Yamaguchi and the weird new feeling that surfaced every time he smiled at Tsukishima.

He didn't know – or wouldn't let himself realize – what that feeling was for almost a year.

It started at the spring tournament. Their team fought hard, adrenaline hard in their veins, all of them working as hard as they could to win.

And they did. Tsukishima had doubted it, even as he'd fought his hardest to make it happen. But they won – and the celebration immediately afterwards…

The sidelined members – Tsukishima included – swarmed onto the court. They were all tired, but exhilarated – covered in sweat and some of them were crying, clinging to each other, screaming in amazement. They were going to nationals. They'd fought and they'd won and they would get to go farther and continue to fight side by side.

Even Tsukishima wasn't immune to the energy around him. He cracked a smile; his team's joy was contagious.

Tsukishima searched the crowd of jubilant teammates for Yamaguchi. He found him quickly.

His eyes were alight and his face seemed to shine with excitement. He was grinning, but looked to be on the verge of tears. His mouth was wobbling and his eyes were bright.

Those eyes met Tsukishima's and his brows drew close together.

Yamaguchi pulled himself away from the group and threw himself at Tsukishima, who staggered backwards with the impact.

“Yamaguchi –” he started to protest, but stopped once he'd regained his footing.

“We did it,” Yamaguchi wavered, squeezing him tight. “We did it, Tsukki – we won!”

Tsukishima hesitated. That weird feeling was there, that weird fluttering in his chest. It had been happening more and more lately. He wondered if he should be worried.

He hugged Yamaguchi back.

“We did,” he said quietly. “You did a great job.”

“Tsukki!” Yamaguchi buried his face in Tsukishima's shoulder. “You're gonna make me cry…”

He did seem just about to cry. He gave Tsukishima another squeeze and then pulled away.

He was red in the face and his hair was stringy with sweat. Tears were finally beginning to fall from his eyes and his mouth was quivering.

“Look at you,” Tsukishima said. “You're ridiculous.”

Yamaguchi gave a short, choked laugh. He raised his hands and rubbed at his eyes. When he brought his hands away, his eyes shone even brighter than before.

He looked at Tsukishima, with that big smile back in place, and the feeling in Tsukishima's chest grew to an uncomfortable relevance.

Seeing Yamaguchi like this – happy, exhilarated, tired but still so awake and energetic –

The first word that came to mind – rather than 'disgusting', 'ridiculous', 'annoying' – any of his usual attacks – was _'beautiful'_ , of all things.

Cold dread immediately choked the warm, full feeling in his chest.

Hinata suddenly leapt onto Yamaguchi's back, abruptly pulling his attention away from Tsukishima.

For once, he was grateful for Hinata's interruption. He turned away from his teammates and walked over to the bench.

Yachi hurried over to him, tears in her eyes as well, and handed him a towel and a bottle of water. He took these and thanked her, but if she said anything to him, he didn't hear it.

His heart was pounding in his ears.

It couldn't be. He'd been so careful. He'd worked so hard for so long to avoid all this.

And here he'd failed. He'd fallen, and he'd fallen for the one person with whom he thought he'd be safe.

He shook his head, trying to clear it. He closed his eyes and tried to think rationally.

It wasn't too late. He was overreacting. He could still stop this. He could still bring things back to the way they were supposed to be. One little weird feeling… just one… wasn't enough to ruin everything.

But it hadn't been just one, a voice in his head spoke up. It had been weeks. Months. Close to a year since the first one. There had been many. This one was just the strongest. He couldn't ignore this one. He couldn't ignore the way he'd just thought about _Yamaguchi_ of all people.

He just had to distance himself from this. It would go away if he ignored it for long enough.

His teammates eventually calmed down a bit and joined him at the bench. The coach and Takeda called everybody into a huddle. Tsukishima tried to focus on anything but Yamaguchi's arm around his shoulders.

A brief talk and then they broke apart and headed outside. Some of them were still crying. Yamaguchi was sniffling at Tsukishima's side all the way to the bus. He found himself wanting to put an arm around his shoulders and hold him close. He stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets.

They piled onto the bus. Tsukishima sat down in a back window seat and immediately turned his head to look out, leaning his chin on one hand. Yamaguchi flopped down beside him and shut his eyes.

“That was amazing, huh, Tsukki?” he murmured.

Tsukishima nodded stiffly and gave a small grunt. He didn't want to look over at him right now, didn't want to think about his stupid sleepy-eyed face, or his freckles, or anything about him, anything at all.

Tsukishima pulled his headphones out of his bag and put them on, but didn't start any music. He listened to the muffled sounds of his teammates' conversations for a while, until one by one they fell asleep.

Yamaguchi was asleep by the time they hit traffic. It was getting dark out now. Even Tsukishima was beginning to feel a little tired. He'd turned his music on, keeping the volume low. The city and eventually the countryside rolling past his window were hypnotic, quietly convincing him to nod off.

The bus jerked suddenly as Takeda took a turn a little too sharply.

Yamaguchi fell to the side and his head landed against Tsukishima's shoulder.

Instantly, Tsukishima was wide awake. His heart skipped a beat.

Yamaguchi's hair was tickling his cheek. He felt his face go red.

He didn't move fore a few seconds. His hands gripped the armrests tight.

It would be okay to let him stay like that, right? Just for a little while…

He reached up and shoved Yamaguchi off his shoulder, perhaps a little harder than was necessary.

Yamaguchi woke up partway, but dropped back off to sleep again fairly quickly. Tsukishima closed his eyes and turned toward the window, listening to his confused murmuring until he fell silent. He opened his eyes once he was sure Yamaguchi was asleep.

He gritted his teeth. His eyes started to sting but he scrubbed at them angrily.

_Don't be stupid._

_You can fix this._

Tsukishima couldn't sleep for the rest of the ride back, no matter how hard he tried.

\- - -

He'd stop meeting up with Yamaguchi to walk to school. That was the first step.

He got ready for school slowly, much slower than normal. They usually met up at the corner in front of Tsukishima's house about half an hour before school started.

He got a text from him when he was five or ten minutes late, and he replied saying Yamaguchi should head on without him.

It was quiet, walking to school alone. Tsukishima wasn't used to it.

_At least you get to listen to music without him talking your ear off all the time…_

He found another place to eat lunch that day. He left as soon as lunch started and avoided Yamaguchi as best he could. He got to volleyball practice early, and made a point of playing against him during three-on-three.

He stayed behind to help clean up, and then changed out of his uniform as slowly as possible. Yamaguchi waited, but Tsukishima told him to go ahead. He gave him a few minutes' head start.

And then, finally, he started walking home without him as well.

The walk home shouldn't have been any more difficult than the walk to school, but it was.

He missed him. Even after just one day, he missed Yamaguchi's company.

He turned his music up and closed his eyes, trying to get those thoughts to stop, just for a second. He needed to think.

He just had to work through this. A few days, maybe a week, and these stupid feelings would be gone. He could manage that. He could do it. It happened on its own often enough, after all. People fell out of love all the time.

He grimaced to himself. God, he'd actually admitted what it was.

He had to get rid of it.

He had to.

Yamaguchi was all he had. He couldn't lose him like this. Not over something this stupid.

Tsukishima's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the screen.

A text from Yamaguchi.

Well, what else would it be?

He stared at the notification for a moment, and then opened the text.

 

>> see you tomorrow Tsukki ^-^

 

Tsukishima clenched his jaw.

He turned the screen off and stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

\- - -

The second day was harder than the first.

Tsukishima managed to avoid Yamaguchi during the walk to school, but he'd taken more convincing than before.

 

>> are you sick, Tsukki?? :o

> No. I'm fine. Go to school.

>> ok ill see you there :D

 

Tsukishima was almost late to class that morning. He rushed through the door just moments before the bell rang. His teacher gave him a look over the top of her glasses as he took his seat.

Yamaguchi turned around in his chair, looking back at him.

Tsukishima kept his eyes fixed straight ahead.

\- - -

He couldn't get away for lunch. Yamaguchi caught him before he could get out of the classroom.

“Tsukki,” he called out, hurrying up to him, that big stupid smile on his face. “Where are we eating today?”

“Uh,” he said, and then shrugged. “I don't know. Where do you want to go?”

“How about out by the garden?” he suggested. “In the courtyard. It's starting to get warm again.”

Tsukishima shrugged again.

“Sure,” he mumbled. “Whatever you want.”

Yamaguchi led the way outside. Tsukishima stayed a few steps behind him, and kept his eyes on the ground.

Or, at least, he tried to. His eyes kept straying upwards, looking at Yamaguchi's legs, then his back, and then the back of his head.

And his heart would speed up. And he'd look away again. And then he'd find himself looking back.

He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

Yamaguchi pushed open an outside door and held it open for Tsukishima to go through first. Tsukishima brushed past him and out into the courtyard. There were a few people out here, but not too many. There were plenty of places where they could be relatively isolated from the others.

He shouldn't have agreed to being alone with Yamaguchi. Not today. Not now.

“How about over there?” Yamaguchi asked, pointing at a bench close to the wall of the school.

“Sure.”

They sat down. Tsukishima moved a little further away from Yamaguchi than he normally would.

They started eating in silence. Tsukishima kept his eyes on his food, not looking to either side at all. He wondered if he could get away with putting his headphones on.

“How's your day going, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked lightly, taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

Tsukishima shrugged. “It's been fine,” he replied. He left it at that.

Yamaguchi took a few seconds to swallow his bite of food before speaking again. He sighed.

“Fine?” he laughed. “That's all you're giving me?”

“Yeah.”

They fell silent again. Tsukishima stuffed a lot of food into his mouth at once and chewed slowly to give himself an excuse. He could feel Yamaguchi's eyes on the side of his head, could almost see his mouth pressed into a worried line.

So he'd picked up on something already.

“…Hey,” he said, once Tsukishima was done chewing, “Tsukki?”

“Hm.”

“Is everything… okay?”

Tsukishima looked straight ahead and frowned. “Yeah,” he said. “Everything's fine. I already told you that.”

“…It's just that… you're acting a little weird, is all,” Yamaguchi went on, keeping his voice low. “You're never late for school, and you almost were today. And you've hardly said a word to anybody all day, either.”

Irritation flared up in the back of Tsukishima's mind. He was glad to feel it again.

“I'm tired,” he mumbled. “Studying and stuff. I've been up late.”

He took another giant bite of food and hoped that would end that particular conversation.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi tried again, after a few moments.

Before he could say anything more, Tsukishima interrupted him.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” he mumbled.

They didn't say another word to each other for the rest of lunch.

\- - -

Tsukishima avoided Yamaguchi completely the next day. He told him to go to school without him, walked to school alone, avoided looking in his direction during class, darted off to the bathroom as soon as lunch started, and left for club without him as well. Chance put them on the same team for their practice game, but he made a point of always being in a different row from Yamaguchi, and avoiding looking at his back.

It was going to be harder to escape him after practice, he realized. Yamaguchi had absolutely realized by now that Tsukishima was shutting him out, and wouldn't let him go easily. He stuck close by while they were cleaning up, and was right behind him when they entered the locker room.

He had to shake him before they could leave together.

Tsukishima got changed and packed up to leave as fast as he possibly could. He waited until Yamaguchi's back was turned – trying not to let his eyes linger on his freckled shoulders – and hurried out of the locker room, through the exterior door.

He walked quickly towards the corner of the gym, and even broke into a run when he was a few feet away. Once he was safely around the corner, out of sight of the gym doors, he stopped and closed his eyes, gritting his teeth.

_Just keep this up for a little while._

_It's not so bad…_

He turned and kept walking.

He was just starting along the main road when he heard rapid footsteps approaching him from behind. His heart sank even before the voice called out.

“Tsukki!”

Yamaguchi sounded worried.

Tsukishima couldn't exactly tell him to leave – or start running himself. So he stopped and waited for him, but didn't look back. He didn't raise his eyes from the ground once Yamaguchi was level with him, either.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said breathlessly as they started to walk again. “Hey.”

Tsukishima only grunted in reply. He buried his hands in his pockets.

“How are you? I haven't really heard a lot from you today…”

Tsukishima shrugged. He still couldn't bring himself to say a word.

That had to be more telling than anything he could have said.

Yamaguchi didn't react for a while. Tsukishima almost started to think they could get all the way home without talking again.

And then he felt a hand on his arm.

“Hey,” Yamaguchi said quietly. “Stop for a second.”

Tsukishima gritted his teeth.

He allowed Yamaguchi to pull him to a stop.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said. “Be honest with me.

“Is everything okay?”

“How many times to I have to say they are before you'll believe me?” Tsukishima growled, tugging his arm away.

“It doesn't matter how many times you say it; you'd have to start acting like it,” Yamaguchi said. “You haven't said a word to me… to anyone, even, all day. You haven't even looked me in the eye. You haven't even told me to shut up.”

“That'll change soon if you keep asking me stupid questions,” Tsukishima snapped, starting to walk forward again.

Yamaguchi stepped quickly in front of him and blocked his path. Tsukishima looked him in the eye and found him glaring right back.

“I can tell you're not okay,” he said. “I can tell, Tsukki. It's not hard.”

“It's nothing.”

“Talk to me.”

“There's nothing to talk about.”

“Yes there is! Tsukki, come _on._ ”

Tsukishima shook him off and took a step back. Finally, he looked him straight in the eye, and spoke steadily.

“There's some stuff I don't want to talk about, okay?” he said. “There's some stuff I can't talk about to anyone.”

“Tsukki… I'm your best friend. You can talk to me about anything. You know that.”

“I can't. Not you. _Especially_ not you.”

The last words came out harsher than he'd meant. He watched Yamaguchi's eyelids flutter a few times in surprise, watched his mouth drop open in disbelief.

He looked away, at his shoes. His face felt hot.

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi's voice caused a pain in Tsukishima's chest. “Did I… do something wrong? Did I make you mad?”

“No,” Tsukishima answered immediately. “No, you didn't. No.”

“Then why –”

“I'm the one who did something wrong. I messed up. Not you.”

He was saying too much. He should change the subject. He should say he was just working through some stuff right now, and he wanted to do it alone…

“Tsukki… what is it?”

_Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't say it. Don't do this._

_Shut up. Shut up. Shut UP!_

Tsukishima heard his own voice speaking as though from far away.

“I think I'm in love with you,” he said. “And I'm terrified.”

His heart was pounding. He wished he would just drop dead, right then and there. Because Yamaguchi wasn't saying anything. He wasn't reacting. He had to be horrified. Tsukishima wouldn't be surprised if he just turned and left without a word. He wouldn't be surprised if this was the last time they ever spoke.

“…Tsukki?”

He couldn't even register Yamaguchi's tone of voice.

“I'm sorry,” he said. His eyes were stinging. He wanted to get out of here. He bowed his head and moved to take a step forward. “I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. I'm –”

“No… hey, no,” Yamaguchi caught his arm again, and stopped him. “Tsukki. Talk to me.”

Tsukishima's heart had to be about ready to explode. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want to say anything more.

He'd screwed up.

“Why are you scared?” Yamaguchi asked.

Tsukishima shook his head. Yamaguchi waited for him to get the words out.

“Because it doesn't _work_ ,” he finally said. His voice was wavering. He couldn't do anything about it. “It doesn't _work_ , Yamaguchi, it _never works_.”

“What doesn't?”

“Caring about people. Having feelings for people. It doesn't work. It doesn't last.”

“You're scared… of people leaving. Is that it?”

“Let go of me.”

“Is it?”

“ _Shut up._ ”

“ _Tsukki_.”

“ _Yes_ , okay? Is that what you want? Will you let me go now?”

Yamaguchi gripped his arm tighter. “Tsukki. Look at me.”

It took a physical effort. He looked into Yamaguchi's eyes, and then away, and then back – several times before he found himself able to hold his gaze.

Yamaguchi was wide-eyed and earnest.

“What makes you think I'd leave?” he asked.

“Because you don't feel the same about me. It doesn't _work_.”

Yamaguchi pressed his lips together for a moment – and this time he was the one to lower his eyes.

“What… what makes you think I don't feel the same?”

In spite of himself, Tsukishima's heart leapt at these words. And then stopped dead. Because it couldn't be true.

“…What?” he barely whispered.

Yamaguchi cracked half a smile and looked up at Tsukishima again. His hand moved down Tsukishima's forearm, closer to his wrist. Tsukishima wanted to move his hand just that extra two inches. He wanted to link his fingers with Yamaguchi's, wanted to press their palms close together.

“I think I'm in love with you too, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whispered. “I really think I am.

“And… I don't think either of us needs to be scared. Okay?”

Tsukishima's throat closed up.

“Whether this… works, or not… I want to be with you. I want us to be close. I've… I've liked you a long time, and… well, I'm not letting you go.”

Tsukishima looked down at him, and found that his eyes were still turned towards the ground. There was a deep blush on what little of Yamaguchi's face he could see.

And, finally, he moved his hand just a little more.

They were both sweating a bit. Tsukishima was shaking. Yamaguchi squeezed his fingers.

He looked up at Tsukishima, and there was that big, stupid grin again. His eyes glittered with tears.

“So,” he wavered. “Tsukki? Do you want to give it a shot?”

Tsukishima's heart was out of control. He could barely breathe.

Jaw clamped tight shut, he let go of Yamaguchi's hand.

“Tsukki –”

He reached for Yamaguchi's shoulders and pulled him close. Shaky arms reached around his back and hugged him tight.

Yamaguchi laughed quietly and nuzzled Tsukishima's shoulder.

“It's okay, Tsukki,” he murmured. “I'm not going anywhere. I swear, okay? You're stuck with me. I'm never going to let you have a moment of peace.”

Tsukishima's eyes were full of tears. He tried to breathe slowly, to calm himself down – but instead, he choked.

Yamaguchi felt it. He squeezed him again. “Tsukki… Tsukki, everything's okay. I've got you. I'm right here.”

Tsukishima closed his eyes and took a few seconds to steady himself before he spoke again.

“Thank you,” he said, much more weakly than he'd intended. He hid his face away in Yamaguchi's shoulder. “Thank you.”

Yamaguchi made a quiet sound and rubbed Tsukishima's back gently.

They broke apart after about a minute of standing like that. Yamaguchi looked him in the eye carefully, smiling when he looked back.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima said. “Yeah… let's go.”

Yamaguchi put his hand out again. Tsukishima took it, and they laced their fingers together.

Together, hand in hand, sweaty and shaking, they set out for home.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys it's been a little bit
> 
> This isn't any Top of the World that's for sure but hey it's a new start. I'll be bringing you longer works in addition to these drabbles in the near future hopefully!
> 
> Thanks so much for all your support!
> 
> Read it on my Tumblr (give it a reblog if you wanna spread the word!): http://i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/post/142576335279/all-right-guy-here-it-is-the-first-of-many


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